I would say James “Pappy” Kendall is a half full kind of guy. As founder and co-owner of Pappy’s Sunscreen and Lotion Inc., Pappy is going against conventional wisdom when he says, “Why is global warming a bad thing? People flock to the beaches on warm sunny days, I’m not saying we trash the earth, but why would having 365 beach days be necessarily bad?” And you know what, as a seasoned journalist and outdoor lover, I have to agree wit h him.
Pappy says his opinion has nothing to do with the fact that sunscreen sales have a direct link with the temperature rising. Through some rigorous digging and undercover work, I found out on Google that during summer months sunscreen sales double for every 4 degrees the mercury rises.
With the temperature set to rise up to 138 degrees over the next 12 years (according to a scientist named Al Gore) Pappy’s Sunscreen is forecasted to make over 76 trillion dollars by 2024, a jump of 75.9 trillion dollars in profit according to their 2008 tax returns.
Pulling up in his vehicle, a pair of diesel fueled Hummers fused together, Pappy maintained he loves the environment and has” thought about” recycling for years, but with 3 dogs he feels “Ain’t no way I can fit three dogs in a non-fused together Hummer, that would be insanity.” And you know what, as a journalist, outdoor lover and fan of canines, I think I agree with him.
So Pappy is taking his Pro-Global Warming message to the streets, passing out fluorescent light bulbs and Aqua Net by the box loads. Pappy has even gone so far as to go vegan, “I heard Cow bombs were a huge contributor to green house gasses, so if I have to eat cardboard covered in BBQ sauce to get above-the-law rich, then so be it. I’ll just slaughter a shit load of cows once I’m “‘hooker killing’ wealthy”. And you know, as a journalist, outdoor lover, fan of canines and meat enthusiast, I have to agree with Pappy.
As our lunch ended and Pappy told the waiter to turn all the outdoor heaters on full blast, even though we were sitting indoors, he slid the bill my way and looked me straight in the eyes and said “Every time you see an old truck spilling exhaust or some asshole actor flying in a private jet, just know I am getting richer and richer as the ozone depletes and the ice caps melt. So, am I pro-Global Warming?” He stands to expose himself, “Does this boner answer your question?” And you know what, as a journalist, outdoor lover, fan of canines, meat enthusiast and boner appreciator, I would have to agree.
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